Running on Empty
Many neurodivergent adults and children live with a kind of exhaustion that’s hard to put into words. It’s not the tiredness that comes from a bad night’s sleep or a busy week. It sits deeper than that; in your body, in your thinking, in your ability to keep going. And it doesn’t always disappear with rest.
You might be functioning. Working, learning, parenting, showing up. And yet underneath all of that, you feel completely drained. If that’s familiar, I want to be clear about something: it isn’t because you’re lazy or not trying hard enough. Neurodivergent fatigue is real, it’s common, and it’s shaped by the demands of everyday life.
What It Can Feel Like
I hear people describe it in different ways. Some talk about feeling permanently on edge or overstimulated. Others describe needing huge amounts of recovery time after things that shouldn’t feel like a big deal. There’s the brain fog, the zoning out, the shutdowns. There’s the pattern of pushing through and then crashing. And for some, there’s a sense of shame attached to all of it; a feeling that other people seem to cope with so much more.
I wonder how many neurodivergent people have spent years pushing themselves to try harder, be more organised, be less sensitive? That drive can be relentless. And it misses the point. Neurodivergent fatigue isn’t about motivation. It’s about your nervous system.
Why Life Can Be So Draining
Living in a world that isn’t designed for your brain takes a lot of energy. Many neurodivergent people are constantly adapting, translating, and self-monitoring without realising how much effort that uses. Things that might look small from the outside can require intense cognitive and emotional work.
Masking is a big part of this. Hiding or suppressing neurodivergent traits to fit in; monitoring your tone, your facial expressions, your reactions, and the reactions of others, all day long; uses huge amounts of mental energy. Over time, it can lead to burnout and a deep sense of depletion. I explore this more deeply in my next blog on neurodivergent masking.
But it’s not just masking. Sensory overload plays a significant role too. Noise, light, textures, busy environments; even when you’ve learned to tolerate them, your body may still be working overtime to cope. Then there are the executive functioning demands: planning, prioritising, switching between tasks, remembering things, getting started. Everyday life can feel like a series of invisible hurdles.
And on top of all of that, many neurodivergent people carry a lifetime of self-criticism. Growing up feeling like you don’t quite fit leaves marks. Years of internalised blame and comparison are tiring in themselves, and they can create an intense anxiety about being judged.
Why Rest Doesn’t Always Help
I think this is one of the most confusing parts of neurodivergent fatigue. You sleep and still wake up exhausted. You take time off and feel no better, or sometimes worse. It can increase a sense of self-doubt. What’s wrong with me?
Often the issue isn’t a lack of rest. It’s a lack of safety and regulation in the nervous system. If your body stays in a state of high alert, responding to what your brain has learned to perceive as threats, it never truly switches off. That isn’t a personal failing. It’s your nervous system doing its best and working really hard to keep you safe.
Making Changes
There’s no quick fix. But there can be small, compassionate shifts that help.
It might start with simply noticing what drains you most, and building in recovery time after social or sensory effort rather than pushing straight on to the next thing. It can help to look at the rules you’ve been holding yourself to and ask whether they’re actually yours, or whether they came from someone else. Allowing yourself to do things differently, not necessarily ‘better’, can be a quiet but meaningful shift.
Seeking out environments and relationships where masking isn’t required matters too. Being around people who feel safe can allow your nervous system to settle, and over time, that makes a real difference.
Often the most meaningful change isn’t doing more. It’s understanding what you genuinely need and giving yourself permission to honour that.
If you’re running on empty, you’re not alone. And you’re not imagining it. Your system has simply been carrying a lot.
With understanding, support, and permission to work with your brain rather than against it, it is possible to move towards a life that feels a little less depleting. If this resonates and you would like to find out more about how we might work together, get in touch to arrange a free 30-minute session.
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